Everyone goes through changes constantly. It was about 30 years ago, I can remember it vividly, that was the day that changed my life forever. A new movie called Pinocchio had just come out, and as I heard from others everyone wanted to see it. So on my birthday, I made a wish to my father Jalil to go and see my first movie in the cinema he owned. My mom Nana, who absolutely detested Jalil for once abandoning her for another wife, told me she promises she would die if I left. But I still left. I had to. I never realised how horrible my actions which I just did were. Reflecting back then, I completely regret my behaviour. My selfish acts lived up her promise, I came back home and there she was. Hanging in the willow tree. It was completely my fault, but thanks to Mullah Faizullah, I was able to overlook those thoughts. I looked upon life afterwards in the same mindset as Nana, all women are born to endure, endure through all the men’s mistakes and problems.
I now realise that and many others were some of the most important and mistaken choices in my life. Marrying abusive Rasheed was another one of them. Human beings are cruel, Jalil and his wives failed to realise how much they were ruining a young girl’s life. My first days of my marriage I felt the jinn just like Nana. I was forced to do everything for Rasheed with absolutely no respect in return. He did give me presents but then also put me through the pain, without my permission. I was pregnant. Honestly I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, I was thinking of every thing possible that can happen I was even visualising what the baby would look like. I got over excited, and as usual, it all came crashing down when I was in the bathhouse for my first time. It was the worst possible outcome I hadn’t had thought about, I had a miscarriage. Only then I realised what happened to Rasheed before. He buried his first son already (whom was with another wife obviously). As I said before, many of us aren’t so lucky to always have such great moments in our lives, and right now thanks to my situation, I get to reflect on my life as a whole
Mariam Kassab
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