Mariam's Story

My life feels like it has gone by so quickly. It has, about 40 years of suffering and I've still managed to strive and actually survive! Everyone's story has an ending, and what I've learnt during my years is, life goes on!

Briefly, Rasheed has the idea to spoil Zalmai. He forces Aziza, who has been very responsible in helping with Zalmai and Laila, to beg on the streets and cover the money Rasheed used to spoil him.

Due to me not having much time left, I must finish my story quickly before I have to leave. Aziza is dropped off at a “special school” but really it’s a horribly maintained orphanage that Rasheed had forced us to send her to.

 We returned home after one of the last visits Rasheed allowed us, and there is a man standing at our door. I had no clue who that was, a Taliban maybe? But Laila wouldn’t run towards a Taliban, especially one missing a leg. It ended up being Tariq, whom has been dead for about 20 years. But he clearly wasn’t. He told us all his stories about Pakistan and his refugee camps. He told us about how he went through thick and thin, sacrificed it all just to save his father and mother (which made me cry, thinking of Nana again). He went to jail and later found out his mother died. Laila told me she loved all his stories but didn’t want to tell him about her’s. But in the end she had to tell Tariq about Rasheed, about Aziza and how she thought he died. But somehow Tariq understood, he wanted to meet his daughter. Zalmai listened in on all the conversations and told majority of them to Rasheed. After hearing about all the talks with Tariq, Laila is beaten by Rasheed. But Laila actually fought back. She cuts Rasheed with a piece of glass. I tried to help her, but I was unsuccessful, I got hit to the ground. As I was getting up, I saw his hands around Laila’s neck and she was becoming blue. And this is where my story comes to a brief stop, because of one man I was forced to marry. So I grabbed a shovel and hit him with it. But it does nothing, he lunges to beat me just and I strike him once more, as hard as I can. Laila finally starts breathing again, looking around, seeing me astonished sitting next to Rasheed’s corpse.

A couple days later, I wasn’t able to live with myself anymore. I was sent to a women’s prison but I was the only one who actually committed a violent crime. I remembered right now that Nana always gave me advice. One of which was that a man always finds a woman to blame. My trial was short. I pleaded guilty, but I tried explaining the truth, that Rasheed would have killed Laila and I if I didn't kill him. I was to be executed.

Mariam Kassab

And now is where Mariam’s story has ended, she wrote all this and demanded for me to pass it on. She asked me to also continue by writing my entire story. Mariam cared for me, if it wasn’t for her to save me and look after me for all those years I would have been dead within the next year. Words cant even begin to thank her. But now she is gone unfortunately, and Aziza, Zalmai, Tariq and I left to Pakistan to continue our lives here. But we hadn’t forgotten about Mariam and her childhood, we stopped by her old house and we discovered a letter that Jalil had written to Mariam regretting sending her away. Tariq and I decide to move to Kabul with the children, as I find out I am pregnant with a third child. Tariq liked the name Mohammed. Zalmai, who just finished watching superman, is still curious on why an Afghan cant be named Clark. Aziza likes Aman and I like the name Omar. But if it’s a girl, there is only one rightful name I can name her, in hope she grows up in the shadows of that name and lives a life full of happiness, fulfilling all that the original Mariam couldn’t.

Laila Tamir

Why Must Sacrifices Be Made

Two and a half years after Rasheed threatened Laila and I that he would kill us, the Talibans arrive in Afghanistan. The Taliban were a group of young Pashtuns and many of which have grown up as refugees, with horrible living conditions like mine. They came in and followed a man named Mullah Omar, while Rasheed, still furious about how I and Laila tried running away, hope the Taliban “clean up this place”.

 He has even begun to rarely speak to us. We went out to greet the Taliban, as we walked many Afghans we passed seemed hopeful. We and the people of Kabul celebrated the arrival of the Taliban since they brought the long awaited end to the Massoud. One of the soul reasons that Rasheed really liked the Taliban’s arrival was thanks to their “showing” of Soviets who have disobeyed, while saying that punishment would come to those committing crimes against Islam. I went to sleep worried about what Rasheed would do.

We wakeup the next morning to a message received from the Taliban, stating laws that completely changed our lives. For example, men had to grow beards, wear turbans and women were basically put under house arrest. We were forbidden from leaving the house unaccompanied, we couldn’t show our faces, and speak before spoken to first. We couldn’t go to school and we were prohibited from working. The punishment for disobeying these laws was a beating. I already got many beatings so I was debating if its worth it to break any of these laws.

Laila shared the same feelings with me, while Rasheed told us that the rest of Afghanistan had been following these rules for the past couple of years, he was grateful they finally brought it to our territory. Laila told me about how she’s happy her father doesn’t have to see what the Taliban had already done to ruin our country. I heard from people talking that the Taliban had been on rampages, breaking, beating and even raiding cinemas. I wondered what happened with Jalil and his cinema.

Rasheed realized that Aziza’s eye colour doesn’t match his or Laila’s, so he threatens her saying that he can go to the Taliban if he suspects he’s not the father. Laila found out about a week and a half later that she was pregnant with his son. She wanted to abort the child since she realized she wouldn’t be able to love Rasheed’s son as much as she loves Aziza, but she couldn’t go through with the abortion, her battle with Rasheed didn’t include the innocent killing of the baby.

After being shifted hospitals on the day of her labour, the hospital is packed with women and families. I had some memories of the good days, and the sacrifices that a mother makes every day. I betrayed her, I betrayed Nana. Laila goes through with the cesarean section with NO anesthesia. But surprisingly she actually didn’t scream. I believed most of the screams were let out while she was locked up by Rasheed! Zalmai is born, he looks like Laila since he actually looks nice.

Throughout Laila's labour, I had revalations on how much Nana had put through for me. And on how much she sacrificed just so i can ruin it all in the end. I must now use everything she has shown me in order to save Laila and her children.

Mariam Kassab

A New Beginning

A memory I will always keep in mind was that one sunny day about 3 years ago. It was a sunny day, it seemed almost too good to be true. But after Nana passed away, not one day was perfect in my life. I was walking my daily route to the market to get some food for supper. I was walking through the warzone in Afghanistan. BOOM. I fell to the ground, and there was a ringing sound in the distance. I stand up and shake off the rubble, turn around and I see a little girl. I ran over to her. “Help, help someone help”, I will always remember her saying that, and her tone; it was almost like she was accepting the fact her family had died. Laila was her name. She was holding hands with another boy. His name was Tariq. I picked her up with the help of others and dragged them to a safe distance right before a doctor could turn up.  “Help, Help, someone help.” She just kept on repeating those same words, so I embraced her and told her everything would be fine. (see the footage of the house:  )

I got home shaken. I never even made it to the market. I stared into the blank for at least 3 hours because before I knew it Rasheed was home expecting food to be ready for him as usual. But the food wasn’t ready; I was prepared for another beating. And as predicted, I was left on the floor bruised and bloody.

I found out that Laila was released from the hospital, and so on my way to the market that day, I went and picked her up. When I got there I explained to her who I was and that I pulled her from the debris. She jumped onto me and thanked me as I let her know that I was there for her and she can live in our extra room. The whole walk back I was just pondering on how I can explain this to Rasheed.

I didn’t even need to explain to Rasheed, him being atrocious as usual, obviously fell for Laila immediately. Over the next while, Rasheed convinces the semi-disoriented Laila that Tariq is dead. But no one knew if he was telling the truth. She agreed to marry Rasheed, who was eager to have a young and attractive second wife, in hopes in having a child with her since I was barren. Laila finds out she is pregnant with a child, but Tariq’s. When Laila finally gives birth to this daughter, Aziza, Rasheed was displeased and suspicious, which then lead to Rasheed being abusive to once again another wife. 

Having much in common, Laila and I become close friends. We planned to escape from Rasheed’s wrath. Days passed by and it was the time for us to flee from Kabul as Rasheed is at work. I remember waiting at the bus station with a huge smile to get away and have a new beginning but like the rest of my life, that wasn’t for long.

Rasheed found us at the bus stop, my smile was flipped. Rasheed dragged us home against our wills and locked all three of us up without water. He nearly killed Aziza.

For the first time in my life, I actually realized Nana’s meaning of hate. I hated Rasheed with all my energy, as did Laila. One bad choice and one person can ruin someone’s life

Mariam Kassab

For You, A Thousand Times Over

Everyone goes through changes constantly. It was about 30 years ago, I can remember it vividly, that was the day that changed my life forever. A new movie called Pinocchio had just come out, and as I heard from others everyone wanted to see it. So on my birthday, I made a wish to my father Jalil to go and see my first movie in the cinema he owned. My mom Nana, who absolutely detested Jalil for once abandoning her for another wife, told me she promises she would die if I left. But I still left. I had to. I never realised how horrible my actions which I just did were. Reflecting back then, I completely regret my behaviour. My selfish acts lived up her promise, I came back home and there she was. Hanging in the willow tree. It was completely my fault, but thanks to Mullah Faizullah, I was able to overlook those thoughts. I looked upon life afterwards in the same mindset as Nana, all women are born to endure, endure through all the men’s mistakes and problems.

I now realise that and many others were some of the most important and mistaken choices in my life. Marrying abusive Rasheed was another one of them. Human beings are cruel, Jalil and his wives failed to realise how much they were ruining a young girl’s life. My first days of my marriage I felt the jinn just like Nana. I was forced to do everything for Rasheed with absolutely no respect in return. He did give me presents but then also put me through the pain, without my permission. I was pregnant. Honestly I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, I was thinking of every thing possible that can happen I was even visualising what the baby would look like. I got over excited, and as usual, it all came crashing down when I was in the bathhouse for my first time. It was the worst possible outcome I hadn’t had thought about, I had a miscarriage. Only then I realised what happened to Rasheed before. He buried his first son already (whom was with another wife obviously).  As I said before, many of us aren’t so lucky to always have such great moments in our lives, and right now thanks to my situation, I get to reflect on my life as a whole

Mariam Kassab